And then the other problem is that sometimes drugs just stop working for you.
These days, for me, even the occasional smoke gets me nowhere. None of it
really turns me on anymore. So I pretty much just say no when the joint goes
around, and every now and then, maybe when I’ve had a couple of beers, I say
yes and then remember why I usually say no.

The thrill has plain gone, so all I’m left with are the negative health ramifications.
And that sucks. Why? Because I love getting high. It’s fun.

Well, the good news is I have an excellent way to get an amazing Cosmic High
and I am happy to share this with you now.

Psychedelic Meditation.
Last night I spent forty minutes meditating before I went to bed. The first twenty
minutes were as close to being like hard work as sitting in a chair doing nothing
can be. Between minutes twenty and thirty I felt very happy, contented and at
peace with the world.

I spent the last ten minutes of my meditation watching the roof of my house lift off
to reveal a brilliant starry sky. A brightly coloured UFO was descending towards
me. I was beamed up and carried through space to the planet Noronge, where I
was unceremoniously ejected. Thankfully I had a soft landing and was soon
floating on a lazy, purple ocean, my face to the sky. The sun was shining and
warm and apparently upside down and in the water next to me was an ostrich.

He was wearing a raspberry-flavoured tuxedo, which he assured me (in a
perfectly understandable Swiss-Franco dialect) was waterproof. He offered me a
martini and began to reciting poetry. He read it out backwards because, he said,
looking at me out the corner of his ear, it smelt better that way. I had to agree…
I could go on but let me just confirm that I absolutely, positively did not take any
kind of drug whatsoever that day besides my morning coffee.